Forgiveness is NOT a 4-Lettered Word

It’s been two weeks since we lost Zach Littlefield. It’s been just over a week since I lost my grandmother. Forgiveness has been ringing in my ears these past few days. It seems to be theme that keeps entering my mind. I can’t get rid of it. It’s pounding away at me like a splitting headache.

Why has forgiveness become so hard for some people? I think that I’ve just figured it out. Have you noticed that Hollywood and the media have become obsessed with the f-word or better known as the f-bomb.  Why forgive someone?  If you feel that you’ve been wronged just tell someone, “F-you!”  It’s simple. It’s easy. And, it will boost ratings.

There has been a concept around for just over 2,000 years and it begins in the bible. It’s the scriptural f-word or f-bomb, “forgiveness.”  No, this blog is not a sermon, but before I lose a few readers, I want you to know that it’s not possible to prove the physical existence of God. There! I said it but that cannot be the standard for belief.  After all, it is equally impossible to prove he doesn’t exist.  Either way, whether you believe or don’t believe, your position is based on FAITH.  Forgiveness is all about faith and I will explain it further. Stay with me, please.

Forgiveness is defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake.  Forgiveness goes against our nature. That’s why we love the f-word these days! Just tell someone to get lost or just f-off! Is it any wonder that the average word in the English language contains four letters?

At my grandmother’s funeral, the minister said that some of my grandmother’s final words with him were about forgiveness. Until the very end of her life, she held a lot of bitterness and anger within her heart. The minister did say that she was willing to forgive her family for all of our wrongs.  There were only a handful of people in the small chapel but the bitterness and anger was directed to the majority of the people in that chapel, which ironically were the people who LOVED her the most.

In the final ten years of my grandmother’s life, she was someone who you had to love from a distance. Her mouth was her most dangerous weapon. So much venom spewed from her mouth. She single handily divided an entire family. Little by little, I began to pull away as did most of my family and she resented all of us for it.

Again, I ask the question. Why is it so hard to forgive the people we love the most? Shouldn’t we keep a fair-sized cemetery in our back yard, in which to bury the faults of our family and friends?  William Blake said, “It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.”

Why should we forgive? Forgiveness is letting go of the bitterness and anger. It can lead you down a path of healing and peace. Forgiveness brings FREEDOM. It frees your mind.  You can finally give up on the possibility of a better past. Forgiveness brings UNDERSTANDING. It makes you understand that others are not perfect and people make mistakes. Everyone is different. Forgiveness brings FAITH. You need to release your faith into other people.  Surrending yourself to forgiveness is a challenge to the ego.  But, I’ve come to realize that struggles and doubts are natural parts of faith. If you haven’t doubted, then you probably haven’t thought very hard about what you believe. Ultimately, faith is a walk-a journey towards greater understanding. Forgiveness is a part of your faith. Or better yet, faith is a part of your forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a REMEDY. If we refuse to forgive it creates a wound that will fester into bitterness. Forgiveness makes you WARM.  Forgiveness always seems so easy when we need it, and so hard when we need to give it. Forgiveness is ENHANCEMENT.  Anger makes you smaller while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were (Cherie Carter-Scott). Forgiveness is HOPE. It’s the hope that you will forgive and forget. Bury the hatchet but don’t go dig it up later! How many people do you know that have dug up that hatchet? Forgiveness allows CONTINUANCE. Forgiveness allows you to move-on and continue your life.

At Zach’s visitation, I witnessed true forgiveness firsthand. Zach lost his life in a car-wreck two weeks ago. The driver of the car survived the crash and she was a friend of the family. Naturally, I perceived that Zach’s family had some resentment towards this family friend. After speaking with Zach’s mom and grandmother, I was overwhelmed with the amount of forgiveness in their heart. They were completely at ease with the family friend and said that they have driven each other’s kids hundreds of times. They trusted her and felt that if this was going to happen to any of their friends, then she was the one they would choose. The first thought in my mind was, “what did she just say?” I turned to a friend standing next to me and said, “I don’t know if I could ever forgive someone if they killed my son.” I left that funeral home with a greater understanding about forgiveness. It’s deeply rooted. It’s not easy but it is the start of the healing process.